Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sober January is a disaster.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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