i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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