I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
