i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
barbara walters just said penis...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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