If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
