Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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