Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
