My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
