I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
