Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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