Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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