this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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