I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
