remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had sex on a roof
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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