the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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