Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
