Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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