It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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