Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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