About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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