I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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