I got chris browned last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
