Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
