Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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