This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
