Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
