Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
