"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
