we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
