he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
