Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
