Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
