I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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