If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need moral support for this bender
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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