the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
