im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
