I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
