Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I AM VODKA MAN
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
