Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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