How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
