From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
