I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
