I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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