Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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