i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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