Betty ford says i'm here all night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
