She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
