the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
