I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
