is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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