hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
