They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ok first of all what the fuck
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
