i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
